ie:missional

Courtesy of George G. Hunter.

God does not know:

How many holy orders there are in the Roman Catholic Church.

Who’s running the Southern Baptist Convention.

What the Presbyterians are thinking.

What the Methodists are doing.

What the Pentecostals are saying.

It’s just been ridiculously hot in the Atlanta area lately.  Dawg daze indeed.

Today’s paper featured a few comments related to the weather, with a couple of my own added.

It was soooo hot that…

all the cows were giving evaporated milk.

the farmers fed the chicken chipped ice so they wouldn’t lay boiled eggs.

my outdoor thermometer was banging on the door to get inside.

I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.

I saw two fire hydrants fighting over a dog.

hot water comes out of both tap handles.

my fried green tomatoes are still on the vine.

my neighbor climbed into his hot tub to cool off.

I went to a sushi bar and all they had was fried fish.

my thermometer had to go back to college and get another degree.

the Baptists were sprinkling, the Methodists were using a “Handy Wipe,” and the Presbyterians were not even trying.

Got any to add?

A friend of mine sent me these this week under the title, “When insults had class.” Enjoy.

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” — Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” — Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” — William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” — Groucho Marx

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” — Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” — Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend… If you have one.” — George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill…followed by Churchill’s response:

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one.” — Winston Churchill

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” — Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” — John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” — Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” — Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” — Paul Keating

“He had delusions of adequacy.” — Walter Kerr

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” — Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” — Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” — Oscar Wilde

Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party, “Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!”

Churchill replied, “Madam if I were your husband I would drink it!”